


Distractions

by sparkleerose



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Light Angst, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-06-30 23:11:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15761649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparkleerose/pseuds/sparkleerose
Summary: Sometimes you just need someone to help you escape.





	Distractions

**Author's Note:**

> Post-Season 3 spoilers! Other than that, I didn't really have a specific season/time period in mind.

“ _Hey Spencer, it's, um, me. Rebecca. I'm just calling, well, because we haven't talked in almost three weeks? And, look, I totally get that you might need some time to get over a case and—and sometimes, when they're back-to-back, it's practically impossible to catch your breath and stuff._

“ _And, um, listen, I don't really mind—well, not that I don't mind, but more so that I understand that you need your space and to be alone and_ ”—here, he could hear her take a deep breath—“ _Look, what I'm trying to say is, I'm here. You can come to me whenever you want. I'm not going anywhere and sometimes it helps to talk it out. Maybe. If you want. Um, so yeah, that's it. I'm here. Bye._ ”

Spencer could hear her mutter to herself for a few more seconds before she hung up, but he couldn't make out what she was saying. Exhaling, he put down his own phone on the table and leaned back into his chair. He didn't really want to close his eyes, not ready to see flashes and pieces of memories that should never have existed in the first place.

Victims, the dead, the tortured, the hurt, haunted his mind. They gathered, adding up after every case because he couldn't bring himself to forget them. Someone should remember all the people who suffered, and Spencer brought it upon himself to at least try.

It was incredibly difficult, and most days, he struggled to get out of bed in the morning. The rest of the team told him to remember those that he saved, the ones that they got to on time. And that helped. But more than once, Spencer considered Gideon, wondering if maybe he had had the right idea all along.

Maybe getting away from all this would let him live his life again.

° ° °

The words were starting to repeat themselves. Or maybe she was just reading the same sentence over and over again. That seemed to happen more than often when she was tired.

Rebecca glanced at the clock, surprised to find that it was only seven in the evening. Which was a relief, because that meant she still had time to study for her upcoming midterms. But it was also so disappointing, because all she wanted to do was sleep.

Frustrated, she dug her fingers into her hair, trying to hold onto her sanity. Maybe she could just give up.

And while that option was more than appealing, Rebecca knew she would never forgive herself if she did. The reasons she had were beyond her; it was never just about herself. There were people counting on her, people that needed her to succeed.

A knock on the door snapped her fully awake. Rebecca paused, trying to remember if she was expecting anyone. _Paid off the rent yesterday, no outstanding online orders, never made any plans…_

Peeking into the peep hole, Rebecca was more than surprised to find Spencer Reid of all people on the other side. So much so that she didn't even think to check over her appearance before opening the door.

“Spencer?”

He looked up as the door opened. “Hi, I hope this isn't a bad time.”

Really, Rebecca's life was all bad time. Now was no exception, and she suddenly remembered the state she was in. Unwashed hair, stained jeans, and a ratty old sweater that conveniently had a small hole showcasing her bra.

But Rebecca wasn't about to turn him away. Especially when he looked the way he did. Pale, with shadows under his eyes. His hair was messy and he seemed to struggle to stand upright. Studying could definitely wait.

“It's fine,” she said, moving to the side to let him in, “I was just going over some school stuff.”

“Thanks,” Spencer mumbled, hitching his bag higher up on his shoulder as he walked through the door.

Rebecca couldn't help but feel embarrassed as she watched him look over the room. It was relatively clean and nothing out of the ordinary, but it was her home and it felt intimate to have him in the middle of it.

“I got your message,” Spencer said after a moment, carefully putting his bag on the floor.

Rebecca blinked, doing her best _not_  to remember the message. It was honestly so humiliating how much of a stuttering, rambling mess she was. And that voice message was no exception.

“I-I didn't mean to bother you,” she said, tugging on her shirt sleeve, “I just wanted to make sure you—or, well, everything was okay.”

Spencer didn't say anything. He was staring out her apartment window, the city lights twinkling back up at him.

“Are you okay?” Rebecca asked, carefully approaching him. The way he looked right now kind of reminded her of a frightened wild animal, one that would run off if she came too close.

It was also seriously worrying her. Because even though Spencer often had problems getting through things with his work, he'd never acted like this. At least, not in front of her.

“Do you want to talk?” Rebecca asked finally.

At this, he seemed to come back to himself, shaking his head before looking at her. “No, no, it's fine. I just… I came here for a distraction.”

At any other time, Rebecca might have felt offended, or at least unhappy that her boyfriend was using her in such a way, especially after they hadn't spoken in so long. But the way he said it, along the defeated look on his face made her realize where he was coming from.

She knew what it was like, living with this constant pressure. It would weigh on you, make it feel like you were suffocating. Sometimes, when it seemed like all the bad stuff would never stop, that was when she would need someone to turn to most. Someone to be there for her, help her escape the bad so she could breathe, even just for a moment.

Maybe she couldn't understand the magnitude of everything Spencer was feeling, of everything he experienced.

But Spencer had that same, tired expression on his face that she knew too well. He was standing in the middle of her living room, hands awkwardly stuffed in his pockets as he waited for her expectantly. And with the way her life was headed now, Rebecca could more than understand his exhaustion.

“What do you need?” Rebecca asked softly. She didn't move any closer, even though all she wanted to do at that moment was hug him fiercely. The way he was looking at her made her nervous. She would do anything for him at that moment, but she wasn't really sure that she _could_.

Spencer smiled, but there was nothing behind it. Pain, however, was more than evident on his features. “Could you just… talk to me?”

Rebecca exhaled. That she could definitely do.

° ° °

“—Which is actually kinda funny, if you think about it, because a chance that something like this could happen is minuscule compared to what was actually _supposed to_ happen and…”

Rebecca glanced at Spencer and stopped mid-sentence. She barely even noticed that she had as she was instead suddenly very aware of his gaze. The way he was looking at her made her feel vulnerable in a fascinating sort of way and it made her also immediately forget what she was in the middle of saying.

He seemed more relaxed than before—which meant her rambling worked—as he stared at her through half-lidded eyes. They were darker, or at least they _seemed_ darker, deeper with some emotion that she couldn't describe. But when he opened them a little wider, Rebecca could see the traces of hurt that he tried so hard to hide from those around him.

“Why'd you stop?” Spencer asked, tilting his head slightly.

Rebecca stared at him blankly for a few seconds before she could remember where and when she was. “Oh! No reason. Um, I was just…”

Her face heated up. What was she supposed to say? _Just getting lost in your eyes?_

Jeez, how did romantic movies make this look so easy?

“Just…?” Spencer asked, encouraging her to continue.

“Just nothing,” Rebecca said, smiling tightly. She stood up, hoping that his drowsiness didn't catch the way a blush was spreading across her face. Standing up, she moved to clean up the mugs with tea that neither of them had touched. Which was probably a good thing, considering that her mom always complained how she made her tea too bitter.

Rebecca cleared her throat as she stood up. “Hey, are you planning on going home? Because, y'know, you can just crash here.”

She caught him rubbing his eyes before she turned away. “Hm, like on the couch?”

“Or in the second bedroom,” Rebecca said, moving into the kitchen, which was only three steps away in her tiny apartment, “I just have to make up the bed. It's a bit of a tight squeeze, 'cause I think it was supposed to be used as a closet, but it's comfortable. Oh, but what about clothes? You probably won't fit into mine—wait, I do have this over-sized sweater that I ordered in the wrong size. Hm, as for bottoms, you could probably just—”

Rebecca caught herself mid-ramble.

“Just…?” Spencer asked again from the sofa.

“...just keep your boxers on,” Rebecca said, suddenly extremely grateful that she was facing away from him. Her face was burning just at the thought of him wearing boxers. And that was more than ridiculous because they'd been dating for what, almost four months now?

Oh no—what if he didn't even _wear_ boxers, but briefs? That would be so much worse. Shoot, and now she couldn't even get the mental picture of Spencer in his underwear out of her mind.

“Rebecca?” Spencer's voice came up from behind, startling her, “Are you alright?”

She froze for a moment, focusing on taming the fire in her cheeks. Which didn't work fast enough, so she just put her hands on her face, hoping that it seemed natural enough.

“Yeah, yeah, I'm just—” Rebecca stopped, _again_. It was seriously getting annoying, but she didn't even realize. Because there he was, just a couple steps away, but it seemed so close now that her back was up against the counters. And he was looking at her _like that_ again.

She swallowed. His eyes searched her face, making her heartbeat thump a lot louder than necessary.

“Just…?” He ventured again.

Rebecca didn't say anything for moment. Because in all honestly, how was she supposed to say how she felt? They were taking things slow, through some silent agreement. It was fine though, because between Spencer's job and her mess of a life, they didn't get to see each other that often. And when they did, it was in fairly public places with nowhere to really _do_  anything.

But now, when it was just the two of them after so many weeks, when it was dark and quiet outside, when _he was looking at her that way_ , Rebecca could feel a tension that she never even noticed was there.

“Rebecca?” Spencer asked, looking more concerned now. He took a step closer and she wondered what exactly he was thinking.

“I'm okay,” she assured him, her pulse speeding up as she caught a whiff of his shampoo, “I just have a lot on my mind.”

“Talking helps,” Spencer said dryly, as if she hadn't been carrying a one-sided conversation since he came in. But that wasn't really what he was asking for at this moment, and she knew it.

It just seemed so crazy, that this— this— this _kid_ , really, who was actually a few months older than her, but somehow seemed more childlike, could suddenly be so intimidating. With messy hair, mismatched socks, and beat up sneakers, he was the epitome of youth.

And yet, now, with eyes like that, he seemed anything _but_ innocent. His lines were more defined, edges were sharper, shadows darker. Everything about him, from the moment he stepped into her apartment, pulled at her in a way she hadn't realized she felt.

“Spencer,” Rebecca said, almost whispered, “I honestly don't know how to say this.” Her face, which had cooled down considerably, was now turning red again.

“You can tell me anything,” he said. The way he said it was unnerving, but in a really, really _good_  way.

“Like how you make me feel?” Rebecca blurted out before she could stop herself. Damn her mouth and its lack of self-control.

Spencer shifted his weight onto his other leg. “What—What do you mean?”

She caught a flash of worry on his face, the nervous twitch of the mouth, the passing disappointment in his eyes. It was the complete opposite of what she meant, but she could sense him start to build up his defenses for what he assumed was coming next.

“Wait, just listen,” Rebecca said, not caring anymore how stupid and embarrassing she was going to sound, just wanting to stop him from hurting anymore than he already did. “That's not what I meant. It's just…”—ugh ‘just’ again? Seriously? Didn't she have any other words in her vocabulary?—“We haven't been that, um, _forthcoming_ about this, and I don't want to ruin anything, because it really has been _so good_ between us. But now we're here, alone. At night. And you…”

Rebecca swallowed again, no longer able to meet his gaze. “You look at me _like that_ and I really just want to—to—”

Staring at the floor, she wondered briefly if it was possible to die from embarrassment. “To kiss you. To _really kiss you_.” Rebecca clamped her mouth shut.

There. She said it.

When he didn't reply, she looked up. He seemed closer than before, more open, with a soft intensity in his expression that took the breath right out of her lungs.

“To—to touch you,” she continued, not daring to look away now, and vaguely wondering if she sounded like a creep. Really, how _did_ romance movies make it look so easy? Her face was definitely getting sunburned from her growing humiliation. Her heart was pounding so loudly in her chest as she spoke, she was sure he could hear it. “For you to touch me.”

Spencer didn't say anything, he didn't move, but she could see him relax. She could tell he was waiting for her to make the first move, to show him exactly what she wanted. It sent her chest into a frenzy to see him so vulnerable, so open to her.

She hoped she wouldn't mess up. Whatever was between them was fragile, and more than anything, she didn't want to lose him. But of course, the big difference between her and the movies—excluding the obvious fact that romance in movies was staged—was that she was thinking too much about this

It shouldn't have had to be this hard for her to do what felt right. He was here for her, for a distraction, a moment of calm for the two of them in the midst of chaos. And she needed that, too. Rebecca needed that break where her thoughts didn't race through her head a mile a minute, jumping from one idea to the next. Where she could focus on nothing, instead of a bunch of different things in an attempt to escape her mind.

She wasn't sure if either of them were breathing when she reached out. Her fingers hesitated for a moment, the last few doubts casting a shadow onto her determination, before she pushed them away and touched his neck, just below his jawline.

The tension released from both of them right as Rebecca realized that his skin wasn't as soft as she'd imagined. Smiling, she traced his jaw, fingertips running over his just-barely-there stubble.

This was exactly where she'd wanted to start all evening. All the images she'd blinked away when she'd talked came trickling back. Spencer closed his eyes and she took her time getting to them, past his just barely open mouth and the slope of his nose, to gently touch the dark smears underneath.

Gathering the last bit of courage she needed, Rebecca put her hands carefully around his face to pull him down and kiss him. He was too tall, unfortunately, forcing her to stand on her toes to reach him properly. But, _man_ , was it worth it.

All those times they kissed before barely compared to now, with how they touched without reservation. It was like a breath of fresh air, so free, so easy.

Rebecca moved her hands up into his hair, and the feeling of it between her fingers was better than she could ever imagine. She felt his hands move to her sides, could feel their warmth even through her sweater. His touch was almost burning, to the point where she could count where all of his fingers were on her.

Eventually, they somehow found themselves on the sofa again. Which was a relief, because kissing with such a height difference was more frustrating than anything else. Rebecca wasn't really sure how they got there; she vaguely remembered pushing him towards the living room, but the feel of him was so intoxicating, it made it hard to really remember anything at all.

Here, she was making most of the effort, initiating the kisses and discovering his skin beneath her fingertips. And it was so exhilarating that it was impossible to mind, especially when his heady scent filled her lungs.

Every once in a while, however, her mind would clear for a brief moment, giving her enough room to worry if this was what he wanted, too. But whenever she pulled away to make sure, he would bring her closer, kissing her so intently all her thoughts would fly out of her mind.

And after a while, her doubts ceased and she could appreciate the relief that was brought out from under his touch.


End file.
